Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
