i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
