Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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