he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize