Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
