remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
