Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
