I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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