he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
