i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
