Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
