who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
