just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
