so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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