Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
