it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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