an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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