Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
