There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
