I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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