Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
