Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
