I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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