I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
