I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
