we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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