We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
