Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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