I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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