He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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