You made me cry and you don't even care
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pants are for mortals
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
