Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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