so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Couch. On fire.
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