im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
