Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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