Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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