what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
