I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize