when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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