Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
no, he came in my armpit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I party with great urgency now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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