You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
