im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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