Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
