I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
