he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
