So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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