I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
