A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
