I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
