saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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