mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
