just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
