Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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