And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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