Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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