I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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