Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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