Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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