Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
