Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
