I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
