I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
