U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
