you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is my gift to your gina
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
