he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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