I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
